You know the Shreveport movie industry is busy when I'm getting emails asking me, "Can I be in your movie? Here are my headshot and résumé."My standard response? "I'm a reporter. You need to contact X." And then I grumble to my desk-mates about being mistaken for a casting director.
Their emails are flattering in a bizarre way. They don't realize I'm a reporter, of course, and think my blog is something other than it is: a place for movie news and (self-)amusing posts.
Which brings me to a totally uninteresting story. You might be surprised to learn that I did help cast a movie once. It was a 1997 student film, which I wrote, directed and regrettably acted in. (I was a lip-smacker.)
Me and a college buddy, Luke Heikkila (who I haven't seen since), produced the 68-minute existential drama for $250. We shot it on VHS on the scary streets of Morris, Minn., and inside the local co-op. A coffee shop rejected our location request because we had a suicide scene. (We were quite serious young lads.)
Oh, to revisit the days when getting in over our heads was a grand success. We ended up casting a bunch of student actors and a couple gullible professors. A few of us were trying to resurrect the French New Wave.
The film was kind of a Jean-Luc Godard version of "Shortcuts" and was sexily titled "disengaged at 7th and Oregon." I also remember describing it as if "Albert Camus had written 'Six in Paris.'"
Why these pitches weren't enough to bring art cinema back to multiplex, I'll never know.
We had a reasonably good time in testing our mettle. I also remember more than a few artistic disagreements, which probably encouraged my early exit as a filmmaker. (Me just write pretty now.) "disengaged" premiered to about 350 people. I haven't thanked them all for suffering through my post-screening ramblings, so, "Thank you!"
But don't pity me. I'm perfectly capable of pitying myself. I turned out OK. I'm a blogger now. And I've eaten at IN-N-OUT Burger, so you know I'm cool.
And by the way, and if you want to get in a local movie, it's best to contact the following:
"Year One": http://www.myhollywoodconnect.com/ or mail your headshot and contact info to Garden Films Inc., 400 Clyde Fant Memorial Parkway, Shreveport, La., 71101.
"Comeback": http://www.bamcastingla.com/
"Sordid Lives," "Tekken," second unit on "Righteous Kill": http://www.gloriosocasting.com/
P.S.: My sequel to "disengaged at 7th and Oregon" has been shelved indefinitely due to fear of public humiliation and my complete unwillingness to raise money for its $500 budget.
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7 comments:
So, are there plans for a local premiere of your "film?" Or should I try to find a bootleg copy online??
In all honesty, that's actually pretty cool. Most people will never have the chance to do even that. Oh, and you should start a Hall of Shame for those who can't distinguish between a reporter's blog and a casting director's site. There is something plain sad about that...
I get the fact that you are not a casting director -- at least not anymore. But, since you've now eaten at In and Out Burger, can I pitch you my next great screenplay?
chris-brad, a bootleg copy? Local premiere? If you look really hard at your computer screen, you'll see milk pouring out of my nostrils.
I do accept screenplay pitches, tk|la, as long as you can fund, cast, crew-up and distribute the picture. And make me rich.
My contract stipulates an unlimited supply of double-doubles, too, which must always be at arm's reach. Hence, why no one in Hollywood would dare hire me. I'm a walking fire hazard.
Adam, will you please hurry up and leave for the airport. Once you get there, get on your flight and never come back!
Too bad I had to remove adam's 4 spam ads, because danny's comment is hilarious.
Alex,
Hi! I'm Kelli, and I was the Life section editor for the NSU (Natchitoches) paper this semester.
Sorry for the Mickey-Mouse Club tone of that sentence.
I ended up not being able to make it to your talk, and I was really disappointed because I read your blog and I think you're a great writer.
That said, I am officially requesting that you record some clips of the student film and post them here!
(Also: I've never written a screenplay, but if you give me about 45 minutes, I can throw together a really awful romantic comedy about a group of preteen werewolves trying to find their heartsongs. Preferably starring Hayden Panettierre, filmed in black and white, very Hitchcock.)
45-minute screenplay about werewolves? Greenlight a go go. Principal photog starts in 46 minutes.
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